Fish and Humanity
I don't mind grocery shopping. To me its justified spending. I have to eat therefore I have to shop. See? Justified.
Last night I wanted to go in and get what I needed and leave. I never go in, get what I need and leave. But I wanted to. I knew being on the phone would slow me down but I didn't care because the conversation was delightful and I was enjoying it. I may have bought foods that didn't match and I could end up eating eggs with corn for dinner this week but I wasn't worried about it.
As I walked through the store, talking on the phone and throwing a variety of mismatched items in the cart I see a friend in my aisle. We smile and say hello while I tip the phone from ear so not to be rude to my other friend- we hug and she takes a minute to whisper (so not to disturb my delightful conversation), "Your new house is beautiful!" I thank her with a smile and we part ways. I'm still holding the conversation. It was good to see her and her pretty smile.
I continued to shop and rememebred that one thing I didn't want to forget was fish. I went to the seafood counter and I waited for the deli person to approach while still on the phone. I knew I was laughing too loud and I knew I was smiling a lot. I must have seemed goofy to those around me or I may have been annoying the hell out of them but they did not realize the simple joy I had from such an easy talk with someone who was pleasant. Besides, the laughing is long over due.
My battery should have been dead. I had been talking for so long and the phone warned me ten minutes before that it was about to tank. Ten minutes. I had been waiting at that seafood counter for more than ten minutes. Where is the deli guy? People kept walking by and going into the back of the store but no one stopped to help me. I was starting to become annoyed. Finally, a young guy walked out and said, "Are you waiting for the seafood guy?" I tell him I have been waiting for more than ten minutes. He informs me that the 'guy' is out front of the store. Now I know there are no fish swimming out there so basically he has gone on break and left no one to cover. I let the young man know I will just ask the manager to get my fish. (And my irritation is apparent)
I pushed my heavy cart with the new Keurig machine, eggs and corn and other mismatched things to the front of the store. I have ended the conversation I was engrossed in on the phone and am now on a mission for fish.
I ask the person behind the counter, "Do you think I could ask for something as outrageous as assistance in seafood? I hate to be so wild and crazy but hey- I would really like some fish so I'm risking it all by asking you for something as totally insane as... assistance. Think that's possible?"
Okay- now Man #2 also knew I was not pleased. He made an announcement for someone to go help the 'customer in seafood.' Heavy Cart and I headed back to the back of the store. My elbows were killing me. I have tendinitis in both arms and by then they were causing me a great deal of pain. I just wanted to get the fish and go the hell home. It's probably what made me so cranky about the wait.
I got to the counter and a man approached me. "Are you needing help, Ma'am?" I told him I have needed help for fifteen minutes.
"Why didn't you ring the bell?" he asks. What bell?! I know I looked for a bell. There is no bell. When I inform him of this he tells me its right there on the wall... behind the sign.. and the balloons... that block any indication of a bell being present. I am obviously annoyed. My elbows are killing me and the glow of the nice conversation has faded. I am trying to text a friend but I keep screwing up because I'm cranky. The man keeps talking.
"My name is Sam. What's your name?" I reluctantly tell him not because I feared him having my name but because he was being too nice and I was trying to be cranky. He asks me if I had a nice holiday. The difference is he seems to genuinely and sincerely want to know if I had a nice Thanksgiving. I asked how his was too but more out of appropriate niceness required.
"Well, it was nice." he said. "Even though my father, and my brother and my grandmother- they weren't with us. That was hard. But my sister - she made SO much food! We had a lot of family around us. We kept it going even though the rest have passed on."
As I just typed that I well up with tears.
I put my phone away. I got closer to the counter and I got into being human. I told him I was sorry for the loss of those he loved. I told him his sister must be a great cook. And we talked for a bit while he picked out the two best Talpia fillets intentionally.
As I started to leave I stopped and said, "You know, I think, that I was very irritable when you first came to wait on me. You're a nice man. Thank you for being kind."
I went to check out and the guy at the register looks at my fish and said, "Oh good. They did come back to help you?" He was the one person who had stopped to ask if I needed help. Wow. I am standing in line and realizing there are good, kind decent people around me. I begin to really cherish the moment I'm in with the people I don't know. How genuine and real they are!
I ask him if he could not load too many heavy things in the bags because my elbows hurt. A woman who appears to be a manger over hears this and asked if I need help loading my car. I decline but she stays and we start to talk. She asked me if I had injured my arm. I tell her about the tendinitis and she tells me she has had it before too. We chat- I pay for my groceries and my new Keurig my Mom bought me and as I start to leave the woman says, "Have you tried the bands around your forearms? They helped me. We have them here." I stop and consider it for a moment. I had heard from my doctor they are worth looking into. I ask her where they are and if I could leave my cart while I go grab them. She tells me to stay put and goes to get them for me.
How incredibly nice they all were!
I buy the arm bands tell them all goodbye and thank them for everything and I go into the parking lot.
A woman approaches me with a basket cart she is pulling and whispers to me, "'Cuse me Ma'am, do you have any spare change?" We are so frequently asked for money where I live. My first thought is to just say no as always and keep going. And I did. "Sorry- I don't have any cash."
Then I took about four steps and thought, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!!?" She had two beautiful little kids with her and I heard one say, "If they don't have it- they just don't have it, right?" They must have heard that so many times. I frantically start going through my purse. I grab every dollar (which isn't much) I can find and push Heavy Cart with all my elbow strength half way across the parking lot. I chase her and her little ones down. I gave her the money and said, "I'm sorry. It turns out I do have cash. It isn't much but please take it." She was so grateful. I also told her how to call 2-1-1 for United Way and ask for additional assistance. I told her what they could offer and how to call them. I told her they can refer her to food banks, social services and lots of other resources. The kids were yelling, "Thank you!" to me as I walked away... crying.
I should have done more.
If it were not for the kindness bestowed on me in Giant Grocery store- I would have likely not given the money. I do know that there are folks in our area that do not use the money as they should and that is why I always decline but she had two children. And I had a few dollars. And I needed to be as human as the employees of the store had been to me.
There is no real 'point' to this story except I am realizing now I could have done more and I am glad I at least turned and tried to help a little. I am grateful for the people who treated me with such simple basic humanity in the store. They didn't save my life. They didn't solve the world's problems but they took a few minutes to be loving and genuine to a stranger. And by ripple affect caused me to try to do the same. The other day, I gave the counter guy at Caribou Coffee money for the person behind me to purchase coffee. Were the people in Giant paying it forward somehow for my generosity to a stranger in the coffee shop? Is that how it works? Will the lady with the two children do something for some stranger too? Perhaps not. But it's absolutely worth the possibility that she will. I missed an opportunity to do more last night. I won't miss that chance again.
I hope you won't either.
<3
Last night I wanted to go in and get what I needed and leave. I never go in, get what I need and leave. But I wanted to. I knew being on the phone would slow me down but I didn't care because the conversation was delightful and I was enjoying it. I may have bought foods that didn't match and I could end up eating eggs with corn for dinner this week but I wasn't worried about it.
As I walked through the store, talking on the phone and throwing a variety of mismatched items in the cart I see a friend in my aisle. We smile and say hello while I tip the phone from ear so not to be rude to my other friend- we hug and she takes a minute to whisper (so not to disturb my delightful conversation), "Your new house is beautiful!" I thank her with a smile and we part ways. I'm still holding the conversation. It was good to see her and her pretty smile.
I continued to shop and rememebred that one thing I didn't want to forget was fish. I went to the seafood counter and I waited for the deli person to approach while still on the phone. I knew I was laughing too loud and I knew I was smiling a lot. I must have seemed goofy to those around me or I may have been annoying the hell out of them but they did not realize the simple joy I had from such an easy talk with someone who was pleasant. Besides, the laughing is long over due.
My battery should have been dead. I had been talking for so long and the phone warned me ten minutes before that it was about to tank. Ten minutes. I had been waiting at that seafood counter for more than ten minutes. Where is the deli guy? People kept walking by and going into the back of the store but no one stopped to help me. I was starting to become annoyed. Finally, a young guy walked out and said, "Are you waiting for the seafood guy?" I tell him I have been waiting for more than ten minutes. He informs me that the 'guy' is out front of the store. Now I know there are no fish swimming out there so basically he has gone on break and left no one to cover. I let the young man know I will just ask the manager to get my fish. (And my irritation is apparent)
I pushed my heavy cart with the new Keurig machine, eggs and corn and other mismatched things to the front of the store. I have ended the conversation I was engrossed in on the phone and am now on a mission for fish.
I ask the person behind the counter, "Do you think I could ask for something as outrageous as assistance in seafood? I hate to be so wild and crazy but hey- I would really like some fish so I'm risking it all by asking you for something as totally insane as... assistance. Think that's possible?"
Okay- now Man #2 also knew I was not pleased. He made an announcement for someone to go help the 'customer in seafood.' Heavy Cart and I headed back to the back of the store. My elbows were killing me. I have tendinitis in both arms and by then they were causing me a great deal of pain. I just wanted to get the fish and go the hell home. It's probably what made me so cranky about the wait.
I got to the counter and a man approached me. "Are you needing help, Ma'am?" I told him I have needed help for fifteen minutes.
"Why didn't you ring the bell?" he asks. What bell?! I know I looked for a bell. There is no bell. When I inform him of this he tells me its right there on the wall... behind the sign.. and the balloons... that block any indication of a bell being present. I am obviously annoyed. My elbows are killing me and the glow of the nice conversation has faded. I am trying to text a friend but I keep screwing up because I'm cranky. The man keeps talking.
"My name is Sam. What's your name?" I reluctantly tell him not because I feared him having my name but because he was being too nice and I was trying to be cranky. He asks me if I had a nice holiday. The difference is he seems to genuinely and sincerely want to know if I had a nice Thanksgiving. I asked how his was too but more out of appropriate niceness required.
"Well, it was nice." he said. "Even though my father, and my brother and my grandmother- they weren't with us. That was hard. But my sister - she made SO much food! We had a lot of family around us. We kept it going even though the rest have passed on."
As I just typed that I well up with tears.
I put my phone away. I got closer to the counter and I got into being human. I told him I was sorry for the loss of those he loved. I told him his sister must be a great cook. And we talked for a bit while he picked out the two best Talpia fillets intentionally.
As I started to leave I stopped and said, "You know, I think, that I was very irritable when you first came to wait on me. You're a nice man. Thank you for being kind."
I went to check out and the guy at the register looks at my fish and said, "Oh good. They did come back to help you?" He was the one person who had stopped to ask if I needed help. Wow. I am standing in line and realizing there are good, kind decent people around me. I begin to really cherish the moment I'm in with the people I don't know. How genuine and real they are!
I ask him if he could not load too many heavy things in the bags because my elbows hurt. A woman who appears to be a manger over hears this and asked if I need help loading my car. I decline but she stays and we start to talk. She asked me if I had injured my arm. I tell her about the tendinitis and she tells me she has had it before too. We chat- I pay for my groceries and my new Keurig my Mom bought me and as I start to leave the woman says, "Have you tried the bands around your forearms? They helped me. We have them here." I stop and consider it for a moment. I had heard from my doctor they are worth looking into. I ask her where they are and if I could leave my cart while I go grab them. She tells me to stay put and goes to get them for me.
How incredibly nice they all were!
I buy the arm bands tell them all goodbye and thank them for everything and I go into the parking lot.
A woman approaches me with a basket cart she is pulling and whispers to me, "'Cuse me Ma'am, do you have any spare change?" We are so frequently asked for money where I live. My first thought is to just say no as always and keep going. And I did. "Sorry- I don't have any cash."
Then I took about four steps and thought, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!!?" She had two beautiful little kids with her and I heard one say, "If they don't have it- they just don't have it, right?" They must have heard that so many times. I frantically start going through my purse. I grab every dollar (which isn't much) I can find and push Heavy Cart with all my elbow strength half way across the parking lot. I chase her and her little ones down. I gave her the money and said, "I'm sorry. It turns out I do have cash. It isn't much but please take it." She was so grateful. I also told her how to call 2-1-1 for United Way and ask for additional assistance. I told her what they could offer and how to call them. I told her they can refer her to food banks, social services and lots of other resources. The kids were yelling, "Thank you!" to me as I walked away... crying.
I should have done more.
If it were not for the kindness bestowed on me in Giant Grocery store- I would have likely not given the money. I do know that there are folks in our area that do not use the money as they should and that is why I always decline but she had two children. And I had a few dollars. And I needed to be as human as the employees of the store had been to me.
There is no real 'point' to this story except I am realizing now I could have done more and I am glad I at least turned and tried to help a little. I am grateful for the people who treated me with such simple basic humanity in the store. They didn't save my life. They didn't solve the world's problems but they took a few minutes to be loving and genuine to a stranger. And by ripple affect caused me to try to do the same. The other day, I gave the counter guy at Caribou Coffee money for the person behind me to purchase coffee. Were the people in Giant paying it forward somehow for my generosity to a stranger in the coffee shop? Is that how it works? Will the lady with the two children do something for some stranger too? Perhaps not. But it's absolutely worth the possibility that she will. I missed an opportunity to do more last night. I won't miss that chance again.
I hope you won't either.
<3
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